In today’s post of encouragement I’m sharing why you are not everyone’s cup of tea and why it’s okay. Learning to let go of the need to impress others who don’t like you is one of the most freeing things you can do for self-growth and self-improvement.
Happy Monday friends!
Today I’m sharing a subject that has been weighing heavily on my heart to share on the blog for awhile now, and a recent social media conversation further confirmed the need to share this with you.
In today’s post I’ll be talking about my experiences in learning why you are not everyone’s cup of tea, and sharing why it’s 100% okay to not be.
You Are Not Everyone’s Cup of Tea- And Why It’s Okay
Like most girls, when I was in school all I wanted was to fit in and to be liked by my other classmates.
And despite the well-intended advice we all receive from adults to “be yourself” and “just be nice and people will like you”, I can tell you first-hand it was never quite that simple.
So like other girls my age, I attempted to fit in by buying clothes that the other girls were wearing, fixed my hair and makeup according to the latest trends, and tried my hardest to keep up with whatever it was that all the popular girls and boys were interested in.
Never mind the fact that what they were wearing wasn’t really my style (or in my budget) and I had zero interest in half the things they liked.
I wanted so desperately for everyone else to like me that I was literally forcing myself to be something I wasn’t.
Sure at the core center I was still Cara, but because I knew that some people would only like me if I acted or looked a certain way, I sometimes felt the immense pressure to conform.
And while I had plenty of friends throughout school, it didn’t take me long to realize that no amount of cute clothes, common ground, or nice gestures would ever make some people like me.
I didn’t know it then, but I wasn’t their cup of tea.
You Are Not Everyone’s Cup of Tea
Of course what I’m telling you today is nothing new.
I think we all could honestly admit that there have been times in our lives that we’ve changed our looks, interests, or behavior in an attempt to make someone like us.
I mean it’s pretty much human nature to want to be liked and accepted by others. And to tell you the truth, I think life would be so much easier if we all could just get along and like each other. (#agirlcandream)
But at the end of the day we unfortunately don’t live in a world full of sparkly unicorns, rainbows, and fairies, and despite our best efforts there will always be people out there who don’t like us.
There will be people who take one quick glance at you and dismiss you from their circle immediately.
There will be those who want you to jump through hoops and run marathons for them, only to drop you like a hot cake when there’s nothing in it for them.
There will be people who will never take the time to see you and appreciate you for the beautiful, amazing person you are.
Don’t waste your time on those people. You are not their cup of tea and they’re not yours.
Related: There’s Nothing Like You
Surround Yourself With Those That Love You
It was hard for my 15-year-old self to ever understand the concept that I wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and if I’m being honest it’s something that I’ve struggled with understanding even into my twenties.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past several years, it’s that life is way too short to spend time worrying about those out there who don’t like you and fixating on the reasons as to why they don’t like you.
You cannot be everyone’s cup of tea and you shouldn’t try to be.
Focus on what it is that makes you happy and surround yourself with those that support you and love you FOR YOU.
- Those that go out of there way to make sure you’re okay, and call you up no matter the time of day or night just to check on you.
- Those who “get you” and embrace your quirks and unique charms.
- Those who lift you up and make sure you know how amazing of a person you are.
Those are your people and you are theirs. And those are the only ones worthy of your time and attention.
I’m not saying stop being nice to everyone because #kindnessmatters, but stop wasting your time trying to convince everyone to drink your cup of tea, when they don’t even drink tea.
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Let Go of the Need to Impress Others
Just the other day I shared a simple outfit photo on social media that a lot of my followers seemed to really like.
And as I always do each week, I went to check my analytics and noticed that several people had hidden my photo and even some had unfollowed me after seeing the photo. The photo was nothing controversial- just me wearing an outfit.
A year ago seeing this would have probably upset me and I would have went to my husband asking him if he thought something was wrong with my photo.
I’d probably question if my caption came off as offensive or if maybe I should have done this or should have done that.
But a. that’s craziness and b. I’m simply not their cup of tea.
Quite literally, I could have posted the most cute video of puppies frolicking in a field of flowers, and there still would have been people out there who wouldn’t have liked it.
Because it’s not their cup of tea.
As easy as it would be for me to sit here and ponder on what I did or said to make somebody not like me, it’s 100% counterproductive and not worthy of my time or attention.
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
You see at the end of the day it doesn’t matter why those people hid my photo, why there are people who unfollow me on social media, or why there are people who talk badly about my blog and the content I create.
It doesn’t matter why some people outright don’t like me, despite the fact I’ve never gone out of my way to do or say anything negative towards them.
I’m not their cup of tea and they’re not mine.
And I can wholeheartedly say I’m to the point in my life that I’m okay with that.
I refuse to keep wasting precious time worrying about it, and if this is something you’ve been struggling with I encourage you to do the same.
Find your people.
Be YOU and stop worrying so much about the people who don’t like you.
I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather spend my time and energy on those who love me for me, then waste any more time trying to jump through hoops for people who don’t care and never will.
This week I challenge you to let go of the need to impress anyone around you and to let go of the fear of being yourself.
Put yourself out there and those who love you will be right there with you.
And those that aren’t, well- they’re not the ones that really mattered to begin with.
If you found today’s post on “You Are Not Everyone’s Cup of Tea” encouraging, please let me know in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you, if you can relate to this topic.
P.S. Don’t forget to share it with a friend. 🙂
As always thanks for stopping by!- Cara
You are right! I have wasted years feeling bad that some people don’t like me. I’ve tried harder to find a way to make them like me and then felt worse when they still didn’t! I’ve been mad at myself for failing, and ended up feeling angry at the same people for “making me get angry with myself” when they had nothing to do with causing my anger. They were only expressing their own right to be with people they do like and relate to! Time to let go so we can ALL be with people we feel happy being with!
That’s a great outlook, Deb! Glad the post resonated with you too.
I feel like this is easy for someone to say when they had a history of developing lots of friendships, but what if you come from a past of constant rejection since you didn’t know how to be anyone other than who you are? What if that gave you such a complex about never wanting to be rejected ever again that you spend the rest of your life trying to get as many people to like you as possible and you get depressed when that doesn’t happen? I mean, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence eating lunch by myself and struggling to make and keep friends, something I don’t think you can relate to. So what would you advise someone who’s like me, someone who has friends now but who thinks it’s way easier for a popular person to say “you are not everyone’s cup of tea” than it would be for someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to be popular?
Hi Diane. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles – it’s definitely not easy forming friendships and it makes it harder when you have faced rejections from others. That said, I want to clarify that I’m not popular, nor have I ever been the popular girl in the room. Popularity really doesn’t have anything to do with this, it’s more about coming to peace with the fact that you’re not meant for everyone and not everyone is meant for you. We all are special and have unique qualities to bring to the table, and it’s better to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and you in them, rather than waste time trying to form relationships with people who will never truly value and respect you for you.
Thank you, I have been pondering over an experience that happened to me where I was shunned out of a group I formed, 4 years ago. Till today I haven’t been able to move forward. Asking myself over and over again ‘Why’? I have now figured it out I wasn’t some of the members “cup of tea”. I wasn’t as Elite as them. Your blog has just help me to see perspective. Today I’m finding a way to move on. Thank you.
So sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with that, but I’m glad that my post helped you find clarity and understanding of the situation. Sometimes there’s really nothing we can say or do to change people’s mind about us, so it’s better to just accept we’re not their cup of tea and move on. Have a great rest of your weekend!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Even at 59 people still act this way!
Keep doing you!❤️
Thanks Terri! You can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t try to.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Cara. I can so relate and it’s something I’ve come to terms with too. I think the hardest is on social media when you post something and then all of the sudden a bunch of people unfollow, but then I realize they probably shouldn’t have been following me in the first place and their loss they miss out and seeing my content. Keep sharing what you enjoy and love and your loyal followers will be there <3 Sierra~Beautifully Candid
Thanks Sierra! So glad you can relate to this- it definitely can be disheartening with social media but like you said the ones that really matter will still be around and the others weren’t ever going to be “your people” to begin with. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
I had always been such a people pleaser and just wanted everyone to like me. It took way way longer than I would like to admit that I realized that you cant please everyone no matter what you do, wear, how you act, how nice you are. Some people just aren’t meant for one another and that is ok. Such a great reminder that we aren’t alone in those feelings and that we just need to let go!
Same here. I feel like those of us who have Type A personalities are always going to struggle a little internally in wanting everyone to like us, but I’m thankful for my husband who always keeps it real on the front of not worrying about what other people think and reminding me to do the same. Too many people try to take the blame as to why someone doesn’t like you, but more often than not it has nothing to do with you and it’s on them. Happy Saturday!
Me too. I’ve always wanted people to like me because I’ve always been a people pleaser. It’s hard to let go of that especially in a small town/community. I will have to work very hard at this, but I can imagine it being soo freeing.
It really is a hard habit to break, but I think the older we get the easier it gets. At the end of the day if you’re happy, then that’s what matters most.
i’ve never really cared much about fitting in. for the most part in high school, i was one who didn’t belong to a group rather, i was friends with all different group.s and i liked it that way. now at 42, IDGAF about what others think of me and it’s so liberating!
I think that’s awesome. I’ve always been one to not care much about cliques either but people-pleasing has always been my down-fall. I’m definitely thankful that the older I get the more I can let go of that.
Preach it! This would be a great lesson for my middle school girls – where it all starts to want to be everyone’s best friend!
Thanks Rebecca! That’s a great idea!
What an important message! Find your people and do your best to be good to them. I’m a people pleaser so I always struggle with wanting everyone to be happy with me. It’s something I have to practice daily to stop doing. I try hard to focus on my family and doing what is best for us.
Thanks Whitney! I’m a people pleaser too but over the years I’ve had to take a step back to ensure I’m really doing things for my happiness and not just others. I think that’s an important lesson to learn and I’m glad you’re focusing on that as well. 🙂
I wish I had this mindset! I def understand that not everyone is going to like you but it hurts when people don’t (especially when its people you were friends with for years prior…yes this has happened to me and I have to work with that person everyday ). I have never been that girl with all these friends and I find my circle getting smaller and smaller as time goes on. I think I’ll always strive to know WHY someone doesn’t like me but learning to let it go and not give a f*** is something I def need to work on.
I think we’re similar in a lot of ways, Tanya and this is something that I still haven’t 100% mastered. But I’ve realized it’s an important lesson to constantly stay mindful of. My husband is the main reason I’m learning to let go of the worrying and he always reminds me that it’s a waste of time to worry about why someone doesn’t like you. I think just remembering that more often than not it’s about them and not you is helpful too.
Yes for sure! It definitely bothers me but you are so right!
Needed to read this today! Thanks, friend!
You’re so welcome. Glad it resonated with you. 🙂
I’m so thankful to be one of the few that realized this at a young age. This is such a great and important thing to learn!
That’s awesome, Marci! It’s a great lesson to learn and helps you focus on what’s really important. 🙂
It can be really difficult not to take it personally when someone doesn’t like you or treat you nicely, but it’s so often about them and not you, and you shouldn’t waste your time on people who don’t appreciate you!
Well said! I definitely have came to realize that it’s moreso about the other person, which is why I try not to invest too much thought into it.
I wholeheartedly feel this whole post. There has been so many times I have wanted to belong when I was younger. As you grow older you realize that you are you and who is in your life is there for a reason.
I absolutely agree! The ones that matter love you unconditionally and you don’t ever need to pretend to be anything else but yourself.
This is something that everyone needs to read! We are all guilty of constantly trying to fit in and impress others when we should really be focused on what brings us happiness and surrounding ourselves with people who really appreciate us. Thank you for spreading kindness and giving your readers the opportunity to recollect what’s important! Love your blog! ???
Thanks so much Renee! That’s the main reason I blog- to help spread kindness and encourage others, so I’m so incredibly thankful for sweet readers like you! 🙂
Funny how we always end up seeing the things we need most! This post was so spot on and definitely what I needed to hear today! Thank you so much for sharing this!
Aw, I love this and I’m so glad it resonated with you!
Cara! This post is so well written and said. I think it’s such a powerful thing that you’ve been able to achieve this attitude – I feel like as women we are programmed to seek everyone’s approval and acceptance. It’s a freeing feeling to just let go, do your own thing, and those that love you will continue to do so! I admit that I am still working to find my people that will love me no matter what, so it’s reassuring to hear that that is possible. Keep being you, babe! xx
Thank-you Karly! 🙂 It’s definitely something that I haven’t 100% mastered, but literally just saying “You’re not everyone’s cup of tea” in my head reminds me to not worry so much about what others think.
This post is just perfect! I learned this lesson many years ago, but it’s a lesson that I have to keep reminding myself. I appreciate the effort you put into this post 🙂
Beth || http://www.TheStyleBouquet.com
Thank-you Beth! So glad you were able to realize this as well.
Love this friend and it’s so true! I’ve always been a bit of a people pleaser, but I let go of that desire as I get older. I can’t waste my time! Also – I’ve stopped checking analytics. It makes me competitive and stressed. I know you’re blogging full-time now so you need to know! But I’m glad to have rid myself of that.
People pleasing is a struggle of mine too but I have to sometimes stop myself when I realize I’m doing things only to appease others and learning to focus on doing things that make me happy has been crucial in shifting my entire mentality on life over the last few years. I’m also trying not to let negative analytics bring me down anymore and whenever I’m bummed I try to go to my husband who always happily reminds me not to worry about it.
I want to start by saying I cried reading the first comment when I read The post-your dad’s. How sweet is he?! That made me smile- so proud of you! I tried so hard to fit in so many times in my life and wish I had The self confidence to just be me. I’m glad I have it now 🙂
Aw thanks- he’s definitely super sweet with his comments always. 🙂 And that’s great that you’ve gained self confidence over the years to be yourself- it’s definitely important to realize our self worth and will only help us be the best we can be in all aspects of our lives.
yes yes yes! i totally relate to this!!! Recently I learned my human design and that as a manifesting generator the universe has actually put a “natural selection” process in place where people either are in my tribe or arent and that’s okay. After learning that and more about everything it all made so much sense and gave me such a deeper sense of who i am and permission to be unapologetically me!
That’s definitely insightful and I couldn’t agree more. We sometimes think that we’re meant to be everyone’s end all for everyone, but that’s just not realistic.
What an amazing blog love! I love the look of your blog! Keep up the good work <3 !
Phewww, I wish I had known this during my high school and early college years. I definitely was someone that wanted so badly for everyone to like me and couldn’t accept that it doesn’t work out.
Me too- sometimes I wish I could go back to high school knowing what I know now, but I guess there’s a reason for everything.
Yes yes yes! So true! It’s taken me forever to fully grasp this, and it’s so freeing <3
It’s something I still have to remind myself of, but it definitely has helped me in letting go of the need to please others. 🙂
Such a good message, Cara! It can definitely be hard to put on the blinders and just be yourself. However, life is much more enjoyable when we stay authentic to our true selves. Thank you for sharing this! Always a good lesson to be reminded of.
Well said, Erin! I think when we worry less about others and focus more on our own lives we’re much happier.
Oh Cara, This was soooo good and hit home. Having recently resigned from my job I quickly learned who wasn’t worth my time and people I thought I meant something too showed I did not. My best friend of 15 years even stopped talking to me. I find as I get older realizing I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and they aren’t mine, and it’s OK! Happy Monday beautiful!
Thank-you and I’m so glad this resonated with you. I definitely thought some of my old coworkers would have kept in touch with me after moving as well, but sometimes we’re only meant to be in people’s lives for a short time. The ones that really matter stick around though! 😉
I used to care SO much about fitting in and what other’s thought of me. After marrying my husband, who has an IDGAF attitude about all of that…I slowly started to become more like him. Yes I still struggle sometimes, but it’s getting better. Such a great read, Cara.
Thanks Lily. My husband is the same way and he helps keep me on track.
Also, some people unfollow for reasons that have nothing to do with you! (Like wanting to have more followers than followings or comparing themselves to others.) I have learned not to take it to heart because they simply are not your people. That was a reminder from a fellow blogger as well. If it means anything I love your posts! 🙂
You’re absolutely right. That’s why I try not to fixate on it too much anymore. And thank-you so much I definitely love your posts too and appreciate your sweet comments! 🙂
Great Post! I had to realize this in High School too. It was the summer of my Sophomore going to be a Junior year and I had went out for Football and went through the whole Football camp and had got a job working at a local restaurant and decided to quit football. Let me tell you that some of my classmates did not like that and called me all sorts of
names and wanted to fight me . I felt like I did not have any control on my life and was trying to please other’s, but that was the moment I decided that I would not be defined by
anybody else . I started taking Karate classes and working out everyday and I was not a big reader but decided that I was going to have a positive attitude and not let everybody else define my life. Throughout my years there are people that I have worked with even church that have tried to mold me to what they want me to become. I have learned that you
have to follow your own dreams and pray and ask the Lord to lead you and guide you and not man. Everybody has to follow their own dreams and I am so proud of you Cara and your 2 brothers for following your own dreams and Love you so much. You have taught me so much. Love you Dad.
Thanks Dad, love you too!